5 Steps to a Better You!
• September 15, 2021
Taming the Negative Nelly in your Head!
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Do you ever really listen to yourself? I mean really listen to yourself. I’m not talking about the things that you might say to others. I’m talking about the things you say inside your head to yourself! Many aren't even aware that they've created such a critical inner voice. It always fascinates me that people seem to think thoughts are these random things that just happen to them or can't be controlled. What's worse, people think that the things they're telling themselves are these little truths rather than judgments we make about ourselves. So often those so called judgments are awful little lies! In fact, when I start working with my clients, most don't even realize that not only do THEY create thoughts, but that those thoughts will ultimately create their reality and color the perception of their world!
One of the most important things I teach my peeps is how to manage their minds. But before I can even get to the management place, I need to introduce the client to a new skill .. the ability to identify what thoughts are even going through that noodle of theirs! Becoming aware of the thoughts you're having in the brain is the very first step to learning how to manage what you're thinking. This may sound rudimentary, but learning self awareness and igniting your Inner Wise Woman or Man will help you to shift the way you are thinking so you can intentionally rewire those pathways. If I had a dollar (inflation) for every time someone said ..
"Jeanna, I'm just wired that way! I can't help the way I think!" My immediate response is "No! No! And NO!"
The simple fact is that you are what you think ladies and gentlemen! In fact .. here's a mind bender. The reality that you're living today was created from the thoughts you were having yesterday. It doesn't matter whether you are aware of them or not. Your future Self depends on what you CHOOSE to think today! Change your thoughts, change your life!
Today, I thought I'd take some time to talk about some thoughts that just don't serve us .. you know the ones .. those obscure hidden thoughts that often come from our inner critique .. or as I affectionately refer to them as my Negative Nelly. You know the one that I'm referring to. I'm pretty certain that we all have a Negative Nelly living inside our heads and it can show up with a lot of different masks: the Bully, the Complainer, Little Ms. Perfect, the Comparison Queen, the Fixer, Patsy Pleaser .. just to name a few. Bottom line, we aren't always our own BFF all the time.
Keep in mind, there's about 60,000 thoughts sparking up there in our brain on a daily basis. Just as crazy, 80-90% of them are negative! Yes! about 50,000 of those 60,000 thoughts are not the best of thoughts! Our brains are naturally wired to gravitate towards the negative. It's basically a survival mechanism built in to protect us from perceived danger. When we continually think negative thoughts, they simply become so automatic that our thinking patterns can easily go unnoticed. They're happening at the unconscious level. All that negative thinking day after day is like having a pack of little gremlins hiding in the dark corners of the mind's closet. We don't even realize how often we're igniting the Negative Nelly within us because she (or he) is comfortably hidden away and unseen but all the while reeking havoc on our self esteem and self worth.
Helping my clients through their self sabotaging thoughts, habits and pattern is a big part of what I do since our inner dialogue is one of the biggest obstacles to making positive change. But honestly, who doesn't mentally beat themselves up at some point? But I should point out that the inner critique does have an important purpose. It is our internal warning signal to to stay alert and protect the Self from perceived hurt, pain, danger or even death. Negative Nelly takes her job very seriously and generally evolves when we're very young and continues to get reinforced through our childhood. Once we reach adulthood, the negative self talk is so well rehearsed that we often don't even realize what a jerk we're being to ourselves at times.
Whether it's criticism from a parent, siblings, teachers, kids or other adults in our life, those messages can easily become internalized which quickly evolve into "I'm not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough" ... you get my drift. It's natural as humans to question our "Enoughness" and "Worthiness", thus the evolution of Negative Nelly's constant criticism about all of the things.
So how do we tame the little negative messenger in our head?
Step 1: LISTEN! Just take a moment to really listen to what you're actually saying to yourself! How can you possibly change the way you talk to yourself if you're not even aware that the thoughts you're having are little lies? Without awareness, you have no idea what to change!
Step 2: Question. Yes. Question the thoughts that you're thinking with curiosity rather than judgment.
Negative Nelly: You know Jeanna .. you have no idea what you're talking about! Nobody is going to read this blog?
(Curious) Me: hmmm .. is that really true? What if just one person reads it?
Negative Nelly: they'll probably think you sound stupid or clueless.
Me Again: Hmmm .. What if they don't? What if someone actually gets something out of this?
Negative Nelly: (Inner eye roll) but they might say nasty things about you. (my NN tends to be a little dramatic)
Me: Maybe .. But if we don't try, we'll never know, will we? It will be okay to try.
As you can probably see, the Negativity Nelly in you really just wants to protect you. But his/her delivery can really take a toll on your self-esteem, self worth and ability to love self.
Step 3: Recruit. Give your inner Critique a new job because you will never be able to completely eliminate the negative thoughts. That's just part of being human. But you can redirect them! In the above example, I can let my self doubter (one of the many masks Nelly puts on). I give Doubter Nelly the job of helping me share my message even if it's a little scary to put myself out there.
Step 4: Create. Thoughts are free and you can choose to reinforce more productive thoughts that will ultimately serve you and your goals. So pick thoughts that will serve you and override the negative thoughts.
Step 5: Reinforce. Yep .. just rinse and repeat. Remember .. we have the ability to create better thoughts but you need to create new ones to replace the old ones. The thought(s) need to be something that you can believe. Reinforce the new baby thoughts so they'll become stronger and more dominant than the old outdated thoughts.
So the moral of the blog .. be aware of what you're thinking, send some love to your Negative Nelly knowing that she/he may be overdramatizing things a bit, create better thoughts and practice! Practice! Practice.
As always .. make it a beautiful week and thanks for tuning in! Next week I plan to talk about the 5 things you can eliminate to 10X your positivity. And remember, what's possible starts with a single thought! So think good thoughts!
So much love coming your way!
Jeanna
Reclaiming Authority from Anxiety
This week I was reflecting on how self hate has almost become common place with people .. especially kids, which is heart breaking. We are born complete and whole. We don't have to do anything to earn Worthiness or Enoughness .. we just are. If you believe in a higher power, then you know there are no mistakes. Perhaps a divergent pattern that doesn't resemble the others, but just because it's not like the others doesn't make it wrong or defective. Every human being is an essential piece of the universal puzzle. Just take a moment, give yourself a little grace and know that when you constantly look at yourself with such a critical eye, that you're missing the intrinsic beauty of you just being you. I thought I'd share something that I wrote .. It's about seeing yourself for who you really are. Have a beautiful week and just be You . Remember, you were born whole, complete and enough. The Magic Wand From a distance I see you in the river of your tears Holding you under from the weight of your fears "I can't do this!" you scream into the night "There's nothing about me that ever seems right!" I hear your whispers swirling in your head The hurtful things that are constantly said If only a magic wand I had in my hand I'd touch your crown, and a new thought could land Suddenly your eyes wide open to what I can see The veil finally lifted, with certainty you'd agree Your inner beauty revealed so radiant, so true Completely washing all self doubt away from you The creative Genius that quietly lives within A new relationship would finally begin Now peer into the pool to see your reflection What is revealed is pure perfection Trust that you're here as your Maker intended All self judgment permanently suspended Have your own back whenever you fall Be your own best friend once and for all It's time to love all of you even when it's tough You're worthy and beautiful .. so completely enough! Until next week, sending so much love your way! xo Jeanna
